Irrevocable: A Sins of Ashville Abduction Dark Romance (Irrevocable Duet Book 1) Page 21

I heard him swallow then he took a long, slow breath. “James.”

  It was true. The room may as well have dropped to the ground floor. “I think I like James more than Kirk.”

  “Me, too.” His voice was low but thick with emotion. “Although sometimes, I don’t think I can remember who he is.”

  “You don’t have to remember, he’s just who you are when you’re not trying to be someone else.”

  “Apparently I’m not trying hard enough,” he brushed his fingers against my neck, “since you picked me out in a couple of weeks. You’re going to make me paranoid that everyone expects something.”

  “I live with you.” I took a deep breath and my chest shook. I didn’t want to tell him, but I had to. “Gabe knew.”

  His soft grasp on my body turned to stone.

  I swallowed, trying to find my voice and enough energy to explain. “He whispered it so only I could hear it. Said I was sleeping with the biggest mole, and if I didn’t do what he said, you’d be dead within an hour.”

  Kirk’s eyes narrowed. “Is that why you shot him?”

  I nodded, “Not that he didn’t deserve it for a lot of reasons.” I wondered when the true reality of what I had done was going to kick in. I watched the bullet go through his head over and over in my mind, but I couldn’t find an ounce of sadness or regret.

  Survival. I needed Kirk to survive, and I needed Gabe to be gone. We both needed the rat to be gone.

  I tried to take a deep breath, but my chest decided not to cooperate, sending me into a coughing fit instead. I jerked forward, leaning against my knees as I tried to catch my breath.

  “That wasn’t just a lucky shot,” Kirk said.

  “I went to the shooting range with my dad a couple of times a month from the time I was eleven.” I sat there, curled up for a moment longer after I caught my breath. “Is anything you told me yesterday true?”

  “Most of it, in one way or another. I just rearranged and exaggerated my own life—easier to remember that way.”

  “How long have you been here?” I muttered, the weight of leaning my jaw against my knee muffling my words.

  “Too long,” he said.

  I lay back in the warm water again. I wanted more information, but my brain settled into a numb stupor and left me with nothing to ask, so neither of us talked. All I could hear was the sound of my own heart and our breathing.

  I startled as Kirk lifted me out of the tub.

  “Not done.” I protested.

  “The water is getting cold and you’re turning into a prune,” he said, propping me against the counter so he could dry me off.

  He was right about the water temperature, but it didn’t seem like I had even been in the tub that long. “I think these pain pills are heavy duty.”

  Kirk scoffed as he somehow managed to keep me propped up while running a towel through my hair, and dried me off. “I think you’re a light weight.”

  “Can I sleep in your bed?” My head bobbed forward.

  “Sleeping in the tub wasn’t good enough?”

  I laughed, and despite the fact that it hurt, it was the best feeling in the world. For that brief moment, I felt free.

  “Of course you can sleep in my bed, but I’m sleeping right next to you.”

  “I’m game for that.” It wasn’t as if that wasn’t how we had been sleeping for more than a week, but for some reason, I needed his affirmation.

  Kirk carried me back to the bedroom and tucked me into the bed before stripping off his wet clothes and crawling in next to me.

  “Do you still want me?”

  “Yes. Why would you ask that?”

  “I… you… no sharing.”

  He kissed my temple and tucked me against his chest. “You’re mine, Sugar. As long as you’re here, you are mine.”

  I still wanted more, why he was here, what he was doing, but my grasp on consciousness was becoming tenuous at best.

  I opened my eyes and Gabe stood over the foot of the bed. Bastard was harder to get rid of now that he was dead than he had been when he was alive. He just stood there, staring at me with the same look he’d had when I woke on the table in the basement.

  I reached for Kirk, but the bed was empty.

  “Make him go away,” I tried to scream, forcing the words out as hard as I could, but it barely came out as a whisper. “Kirk,” I tried again, but no sound.

  Gabe laughed. “You’re pathetic. And weak. You thought you could fight us off, but all along you were like a baby squirrel in a cage of tigers.”

  “You’re not a fucking tiger,” I whispered. “You’re a sick asshat who has to prey on women because he’s too weak for anything else.”

  He grabbed me and pain shot through my chest. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t scream.

  Something touched my neck, rough but light. It wasn’t like the other men. It moved around my neck. I thought I was going to be strangled.

  Gabe’s eyes widened. “You’re pathetic.”

  The thing around my neck started down my chest. And I saw it, the head of a snake moving between my breasts, toward Gabe’s arms.

  Gabe let up and I drew in a deep breath. Oh god, I couldn’t make a sound. I didn’t know much about snakes, but I remembered one lesson—stay away if they have a triangular head. The snake coiled back, preparing to strike, but Gabe laughed—the same laugh I remembered just before the bang of the gun.

  The snake struck, nailing him right in the neck. Gabe grabbed the wound and jumped away, stumbling off the bed and into the wall.

  The snake slithered down my body, inch after terrifying inch.

  Gabe slumped and fell to a mass on the floor while the snake settled on my stomach.

  I awoke with a gasp but didn’t move.

  “Silver,” a voice whispered in my ear. I relaxed and fell into the calm place the voice offered. I tilted my head toward it. Then I glanced down and, seeing the snake-tattooed arm wrapped around my waist, I laughed.

  “You okay?”

  “Just a dream and a new appreciation for snakes.”

  I heard him grunt, but he didn’t question me. He simply kissed my temple and pulled me tighter into him. “How’s the pain?”

  “Tolerable.” My eyes drifted closed again, and I begged for the dreams to stay away.

  Kirk nudged me and I opened my eyes. The way the sunlight streamed in the window, brightening the room, I assumed it was late morning. I’d never seen Kirk still in bed this late.

  “You okay if I go cook breakfast?”

  “Can I come out to the couch?”

  “Yeah,” he said, sitting up and wrapping the blanket around me so he could carry me out to the living room. He laid me out on the couch, put a pillow behind my head and straightened the covers—making sure I was warm and didn’t need another pain pill before he left.

  I dozed again, until he brought me a plate full of eggs, toast, and bacon. “You’re a handy guy,” I mumbled.

  “I’m sure you’d think so.” He sat the food on the coffee table and helped me sit up to eat.

  “I have to leave after breakfast.”

  Mid-bite, I dropped the piece of bacon back on my plate. “Kirk….”

  He grunted. “You nearly got busted using my name yesterday.”

  “Yeah, I noticed.”

  I didn’t want to be alone. He couldn’t leave me alone.

  “The alarm on the door will be set, and I’ll be in the building.”

  “So, you’re leaving me here again?” I shook my head. I didn’t want to even think about it, so I jumped to another subject before I lost my ability to eat. “Why are you here?”

  I saw his jaw tense, and he turned on the TV. I thought he was going to just ignore my question. “Don’t you think you know enough? Knowing more will just put you in more danger.”

  “I think I’ve got that covered. I’m stuck here with you either way.”

  “And knowing how I got here is going to make a difference, how?”

  “You were so pi
ssed when I showed up….”

  “I knew I couldn’t get you out. I knew I couldn’t keep you completely safe, but I thought it was your best chance.”

  “And now you’re questioning it—and everything else you did.”

  He tossed the remote onto the coffee table, and it clattered across the wooden surface until it dropped to the floor. “Do we have to do this now?”

  Curiosity was getting the better of me. I wanted to know what kind of shit storm I had really landed in. “Yes. I want to understand.”

  Kirk shook his head and then leaned forward, rubbing his hands over his face just before the flood of words came rolling out. “Since the moment you arrived, I’ve never been closer to having my cover blown. Every day, you’ve held it in your hand. I had to play my role and hope to god you could play yours without knowing what was going on.”

  He paused for a moment and I could see him trying to gather his thoughts while at the same time trying to hold it back. I realized that was my effect on him—the struggle between being open and trying to save me while maintaining his cover as a dark felon. I brought out his humanity, and that was a dangerous trait to rely on here.

  I heard him swallow, then he lifted a hand and reached across the couch to gently stroke my cheek. “After a while, this place bleeds into you, and to a certain extent you have to let it to keep from standing out. I’ve been tempted to lose myself with you. To thoroughly claim you and make you mine just like they all expect.”

  “But you changed after I tried to escape.”

  “After I had to beat you. I may be a twisted up mess, but that—watching you cry and beg and then throwing you into lockup. Watching you go through everything and take it. Both of us walking the fine line between bending your will and breaking it. I wanted to keep you at a distance, but suddenly I wanted in. I wanted to let you in—despite how much I knew it would hurt you in the long run.”

  “Fuck the long run.”

  “I’m pretty sure we did,” he smirked, but the amusement didn’t touch the rest of his face. “Milo has his hands in a lot of dirty business, and no one has even come close to taking him down. If they take down one operation, he just starts a new one up. The network is massive, but no one will roll on him. Hell, no one even knows his real name; he’s been nearly impossible to trace.”

  “You’re here to bring the whole thing down?”

  “Yeah. I uh… I got inside accidentally while working undercover in a gambling sting, but when Miles asked me to come work with him, I was the first to ever get inside the organization with any cred, so the FBI conspired with my superiors to keep me inside. Sometimes, it doesn’t feel like I’ll ever get out.” Dark wrinkles and shadows clouded his face, and he looked like a completely different person. “It’s not exactly a by-the-book operation. Everything is off the table. It’s all about bringing Milo in, and I’m just a damn mole they sent in to wait and watch until I can sound the alarm.”

  “What makes you think anything will stop with him gone? There will be a second; someone will fill in where he leaves.”

  “But we’re hoping there will be enough chaos to give us an in. He’s guilty of far more than sex trafficking.”

  We shared a smile and went back to eating, but as soon as Kirk sat down his empty plate, I started to lose it.

  “I don’t want you to leave.”

  “I won’t be gone long, less than an hour, and I can be back down here in a few minutes if anything happens. It’ll pass in no time if you sleep it off.”

  I shook my head. “Every time I go to sleep it gets taken over by freaky dreams. What happens to me now?”

  “No one will expect much until you’re healed. And when you are, I’m going to find a way to get you out of here.”

  “It’s not going to happen. Not without insane ramifications. Even if you could manage it successfully, they’ll get suspicious and you’ll end up outing yourself. ”

  “I can’t keep you here, Silver. I couldn’t keep you safe. And I can’t ask you to—”

  “You don’t have to ask me.” I finished my plate and put it on the table. I pulled the covers away and although every movement ached, I crossed the couch to straddle his lap. “I can play my part, and with you… I can enjoy some of it. But even if you get me out, it’ll all be for nothing. I want them all to pay for what they’ve done, and if I stay, you can make sure that happens.”

  “Silver, I—”

  “Promise me, Kirk. Let me have back this one piece of my free will.”

  “Revenge isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. I don’t want to see you—”

  “I already killed a guy,” I whispered. “I think the darkness has already claimed me.”

  “Exactly why we shouldn’t—”

  “Kirk, please. I’m not asking you to let me take them down myself. I never want to kill anyone, even if it’s in self-defense. But I want to make sure you can do your job. We both have to play our roles.”

  Kirk took a deep breath and traced my collarbone with his lips. “I’ll think about it. For right now, I have to go.” He gently lifted me off of his lap and tucked me back under the covers. Then he disappeared into the bedroom to change and returned, handing me another white pill.

  “Can it wait?”

  “You tell me. The last one should be wearing off.”

  “It makes me too sleepy and I have weird dreams.” I just wanted to stay awake while he was gone. The time wouldn’t pass as quickly, but at least I’d be alert and not lost in the dreams where Gabe could torment me.

  “I’ll leave it here in case you change your mind.” He placed it on the table near my glass of water. “I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

  I nodded and curled up against the pillow. It and the blankets smelled like Kirk, and that was enough to ease my worries for the moment. I heard the lock snap behind him and it set my mind racing.

  I tried everything I could imagine to keep my mind occupied so it wouldn’t drive me insane or get me into more trouble. Finally, I settled on a shower, hoping that the heat would ease the ache in my muscles. I smothered myself in Kirk’s body wash, hoping to wash away the feeling of Gable and his men pawing at me. Groping me. Hitting me.

  The pounding of the water didn’t help with the latter since it stung at each of my bruises and welts. Once I felt reasonably clean again, I shut off the water and carefully dried my skin. Then I picked up a comb and went back to the living room, resting for a while before I regained enough strength to tackle my nest of hair.

  I started with the ends, trying to pull out each painful tangle, but my scalp was already sore, and my arms refused to hold themselves up for long. I had barely made a dent in the mess when I heard the lock click. I froze, my eyes dancing around the room for something I could use as a weapon. My bruised legs even prepared to pounce or run.

  Kirk stepped through and my entire body instantly relaxed. He grinned slightly when he saw me and dropped his things on the desk. “What are you doing?”

  “Trying to make my hair look like something that didn’t roll out of the forest.”

  He sat beside me and, damn it all, he pulled off his shirt.

  “How long have you been at it?”

  “Uh—” I looked at the clock, “About forty minutes. You’re late.”

  “At least you kept yourself occupied.”

  “My arms refuse to work much.”

  “Turn around. I’ll help,” he said, snatching the comb from my hand.

  “You’ll help comb my hair?”

  “Unless you want me to let you sit here and suffer while you do it yourself.”

  I turned my back toward him, and he adjusted so I could lean against his leg while he worked.

  I grimaced as soon as he grabbed a clump of hair, waiting for the pull and the pain. I could barely sit still as a kid when my mom tried to detangle my hair, and back then my scalp hadn’t been abused beforehand.

  He tugged and gently pulled at each section, very few times did it ever verge on pai
n.

  “Are you actually doing anything, or just trying to appease me?”

  He kissed my shoulder. “It’s going to take a while, but yes, I can manage to comb hair. I thought you’d like me to inflict as little pain as possible.”

  “Well then, you’re surprisingly good at this.”

  “I had a little sister.”

  Had. I wasn’t sure if he referred to her in the past tense because she was gone, or because he was separating himself from his own life. “I didn’t think that was a brother’s thing—brushing his sister’s hair.”

  “She was sick a lot. Couldn’t always do it herself, and she refused to let Mom cut it.”

  “At least she had a good brother.” I wanted to know more, but was afraid to pry. One more glimpse into who he really was. “Is she—did—um….” I couldn’t think of a good way to phrase anything.

  “She died when she was fourteen. She had cystic fibrosis, and despite everything the doctors could do, she had trouble with lung infections—for a while it seemed constant. My parents didn’t even know they were carriers, and they took it pretty hard when she died.”

  “I am sorry.” I wanted to say more, to somehow find a way to ease the pain in his voice, but I didn’t have the slightest idea how. My side spasmed, and I flinched, sending waves of pain through the rest of my body. “I think I need the pain pill now.”

  Barely moving me, Kirk reached around me to hand me the water and the pill. “Hello oblivion,” I whispered as I popped it in my mouth and swallowed.

  As my eyelids grew heavy, my defenses fell again. “I had a big fight with my sister, and we’ve barely talked since.”

  “You’ll work it out,” he said, tugging at a difficult knot.

  “Will we? It wasn’t even our first big fight. She got everything she ever wanted and as soon as something didn’t go her way, she went running to someone for a pity party—our parents, an ex… It became a never-ending cycle. She moved in with me, and things got serious between her and my best friend, Peter. That’s when everything started to go to hell.”

  He smoothed out a section of hair and laid it over my shoulder. “What happened?”

  I shook my head, starting to feel too sleepy to hold myself up. I wasn’t supposed to be talking about my family, about life before this. “That’s not this life.”